i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
