After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
