her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Randomize
