I hate all girls vehemently.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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