Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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