We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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