Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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