I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
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