Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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