ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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