worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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