I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Can you bring me the toilet please
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
