hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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