I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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