If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
