Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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