just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Yo dont text me then not text me
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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