My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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