It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
