I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
