So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Someone came in the potted fern
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
