Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
