apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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