I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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