i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
