Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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