I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
