I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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