no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
