I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
