so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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