i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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