I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
This is the high leading the old right now
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
