Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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