I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
