She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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