hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
