a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
is wine microwaveable?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
