just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I wanna passion pit in your ass
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Randomize
