maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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