your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You work out of a Hotel?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
