maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
