I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
