Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
