I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
