I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
