She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
