She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
