Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
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