He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
