i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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