I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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