Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
porn star boner night. come get it.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
